tuck

tucker is doing ok. i just took him outside and he was following bugs around the yard and rolling in the grass (an attempt to remove the neck brace? i think yes) i have been sitting in the basement on the floor for the past few hours, reading and watching him lay around. he is uncomfortable, kinda dopey and lazy. being here to watch makes me feel better about him. knowing that he is breathing and looking at me every now and then is good.

it is hard to be thinking all day long about why all this shit is coming my way. i am trying not to feel victimized and just trying to get the "lesson" from it. but that gets me into way too much thinking. i feel stressed by all the pulls on my heart. it is affecting my sleep, i woke up this morning, my bottom lip almost chewed thru, i think that i was chomping on it in my sleep, my jaw hurts from clenching.

tonight was the first night of SHORTS, and i thought it was fun, trying to write, when maybe we all were there to just be distracted by matilda, deep friend mac and cheese and beer. it was good to know that other people wanted to be there, writing, having some creativity flow out of a pen, having something to show for it. but it was hard to be there too.. my thoughts being so disjointed, trying to connect what is happening in my life to any positive flow. and wanting to be sitting with tuck or with jenna or cooking, its been days since i have made anything.

i think i need to cook, i think that will help get this jaw loose and these shoulders loose and this brain too.