the idea was to do a scalloped-potato-casserole-ish. i went overboard on the cheese and cream. of course i did. so there was plenty of cheese sauce for bread dipping. which was really nice.
sliced the potatoes thin and layered in a casserole with red onion, a blend of some shredded hard cheeses, salt and pepper. made about 6 layers and then poured cream over top. maybe don't pour as much as i did. baked for a while, covered. then baked for a while, uncovered.
did i mention that jenner is headed back into the slammer? this was a homecooked meal for her to eat at home before she heads back in for a while. the cancer is back and she is going to go through an experimental chemo for the next few months, billed as similar to that first month. then on for a bone marrow transplant. it is hard to switch gears, finding all this out when we thought she has been in remission, heading to the finishline. boo. so we also had steaks on the grill.
as long as i am cooking for all these people who i care about, i feel ok. it is hard to know what to do to help and i guess it feels helpful to know that i can make things feel better, taste better. it is really the worst because most of the time, i can only do this part and the rest just feels so big and complicated and hard and scary. and that is from my vantage point! i try to imagine where jenna is, what i can do for her- i definitely have some condition where i am focusing on the small tasks so that i can have a break from all the big stuff weighing on my heart. shopping and chopping and cooking and cleaning. i can't wait for the day when we wake up and its sunny and warm and our hearts are light and we just laugh and laugh. and we'll just eat cotton candy and funnel cakes.
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