temple of love

me and tuck headed up to mount storm park today for walking. it is a most glorious day here in cincinnati. big blue sky, hot sun, but you don't feel it in the shade, a little breeze. nice.

seeing the temple of love in a state of disrepair/repair (hard to tell) and being in mt. storm got me thinking (does it ever stop). i have lots of memories of code and mt. storm. we lived right down the road from here before we moved, so we hung out here a lot. i have been having some pretty directionless reminiscing/compare and contrast thought sessions about code and tucker and love.

it has been a little over a year since code died. and it has been a little less than a year since tucker popped into the picture. i think all the time about how amazing code was. how much time we spent together, how having him be himself taught me so much about myself. how he was enormous and lazy and a fighter but mostly a lover and how he was definitely the alpha and how he hogged the whole bed and how he didn't always feel like making friends and how he made me laugh and kept me company and made me feel safe when i lived and walked in some dicey neighborhoods. how we traveled together. how he became different in washington. the same but different. how he faked a limp while i was in thailand and the minute i got home, he was fine. how he kept an eye on me.

tucker is slowly winning my heart. he won my affection and loyalty and care right outta the hardware store. this guy is weasling in there and i love it. i love to love him and i think all the time about how expansive this is for my heart. to know that i am loving again. loving this little guy that is totally the opposite of that code. he is like a little crazy sweet leprechaun. i always assume that he is getting into some sort of trouble, but he is usually just trying to eat a rawhide, without much success (little mouth and little teeth). he is so easy, loves walking around off his leash, stays close to me and i never worry. i never worry that he won't be making friends. he has all these silly things that he does and i am always laughing at him.

it was so nice to have a new little friend move in, i didn't really know if i was "ready" and i know that i have not been as tuned into him as i was with code. i have a hard time knowing that he will not be forever (another good lesson?). but we are slowly getting there. we have transitioned well together. we have our things that we do.

and it is nice to have this dog analogy for the rest of my life. it gives me lots of peace to know that things change and it really hurts your heart and then you find out some new things that you love about yourself that you wouldn't have know if your heart hadn't hurted so much and you find new people to love and new things to love and they are different but they are really good. and everything starts to fit into where you are at in your life now, and that is really nice to think about.